Draft 2

Have you ever received some unsolicited comments about your appearance? About your personality? Were there any situations when someone gave you advice that you didn’t even ask for that made you feel uncomfortable? I suppose that many people can relate to this issue. Getting unsolicited advice and opinions can bring a lot of negative feelings to a person. These actions show the lack of respect to people. So, this leads to my thesis statement: everyone have to respect each other and keep thoughts, ideas about other people, unnecessary advice to themselves especially if they can hurt someone’s feelings. Thus, I’d like to discuss the following questions:

·         reasons why people shouldn’t give unsolicited advice, opinions;

·         actions people should take instead of giving unsolicited advice or opinion;

·         how to react to unsolicited advice or opinion that you got.

Now let’s consider some reasons why people shouldn’t give unsolicited advice, opinions. Unwanted comments about your personality, the advice that is related with personal problems can lead to the acquirement of more insecurities, inconfidence, frustrations.

Imagine how stressful it can be for people with a low-self esteem, especially for teenagers. Remember how one unpleasant word that was directed to you made you cry when you were younger? You wanted to change everything about yourself because you thought that something was wrong with you.

Personally, I heard tons of nasty things about my looks and received advice that was about my face, acne, body etc (even from strangers). I was so ashamed of myself that I tried to hide every “flaws” of my body and try to fit in the unreal beauty standards. Even now I’m struggling with insecurities. This doesn’t let me live my life happily.

It’s not appropriate to interfere into other people’s affairs if they didn’t ask about it. Remember we live in the world where respect plays not the smallest role. How would you feel if somebody did the same thing to you? It’s like going through someone’s dirty laundry. Ask yourself: “who am I to judge other people?” It’s better to consider your problems and drawbacks. You shouldn’t worry about people you wanted to help, probably they’re aware of their issues.

But what should a person do instead of giving unsolicited advice or opinion? Now we’ll talk about actions one should take if he still wants to share with his ideas.

Give a piece of advice if it’s really necessary and if it ‘s not going to hurt someone’s feelings. Don’t talk about their religion, appearance, private life, personal stuff. Try to be positive, it’s possible to encourage a person to do something and give also compliments to him/ her. E.g: I’d suggest doing more of an effort with your task. I know you can do better! And even if you’re going to give advice, please, be polite and tactful and don’t impose your will. E.g: Would you consider going to the doctor and getting some medical help? Say your opinions about a person if you want to say something positive. If you want someone to correct something about him, do it in a gentle way. Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way. Learn more about constructive criticism.

Don’t make it personal. E.g: “I know we have a crazy schedule. Try to stick to your deadlines next time to avoid making your workload even heavier the following week,” will be much better received than saying, “you’re too slow and need to keep up with your deadlines.”

Be specific, don’t give vague criticism, otherwise a person won’t  improve.  E.g: say “I’d love it if you woke up a bit earlier and helped me with household chores.  I think you should be more responsible since you’ve grown up” instead of saying “You’re such a lazy, irresponsible person! I’m tired of you”.

Undoubtedly, there’re some people who still give unsolicited advice or opinion. Let’s see how to react to them.

If you happened to get a piece of advice that you didn’t need, try to keep yourself cool. Be willing to learn. Be polite. Before you write off someone's opinion, consider your relationship. You’ll talk to those people later probably.

E.g“I’ll ask for advice if I need to, but I need you to let me talk about this without trying to help.”Turn down the advice politely if the person doesn't get the hint.. E.g: That's an interesting opinion, but I prefer to do it this way."

But what should we do when somebody tells an opinion about you that you didn’t  even ask for? First of all, sort the constructive from the destructive.

You should think firstly whether someone intended to hurt or help you to become better by saying his comments. If it was the constructive criticism, thank a person who gave you it. Try not to your lose self-control and stay calm. If they try to judge you and offend you, remember negativity’s on them. State that their actions show only their inability to interact with people appropriately and their own drawbacks.

Thus, giving unsolicited advice and opinions isn’t a good idea. They can undermine one’s self esteem. Remember people have their own boundaries you shouldn’t interfere. Even if you want to give advice or opinion when nobody asked for it, make sure that it won’t offend a person and will help him become a better version of himself/ herself. The following statement seems to show the essence of this problem: “People who are know it alls, and dish out unsolicited advice and opinions, are the same ones who follow none of their advice and practice nothing of what they preach.” So, let’s be considerate and respect each other!